now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
