Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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