if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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