He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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