I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
