real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
