its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
