im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I had to cum in my sink.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
