just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
