I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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