In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
