Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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