Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Congratulations! We have a period
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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