I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
