Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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