I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
