Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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