I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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