Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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