I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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