If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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