you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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