Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
