I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
