i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
