We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
