i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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