I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
