A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Randomize
