it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
