Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
