I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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