i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
