our cab driver is having phone sex.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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