You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
