Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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