watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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