How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
