You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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