dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
