just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
