I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
