hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
