Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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