My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
