I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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