you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
