Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
