Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
