All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I love you. Go after that dick
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