remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
