So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
