you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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