You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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