What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
