I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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