I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
