I am puke
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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