Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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