the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
